My nurse was helping my patient to undress and get ready for consultation with me and was talking to the patient about why she had come here.
After they had talked, the nurse came into my office and let the patient wait.
“Hello Doctor. The patient is having problems getting pregnant. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with her, but she requests a consultation”
What could I do in a case like that. If there wasn’t even anything wrong with her, how can I treat her. It’s not easy to cure someone that’s not even sick.
When we went into the room, the nurse went through the examination for me.
“Look, her breasts are all ready for her to have a child. And her vagina too, is nice and ready for her to have intercourse. So that’s no problem at all”
The nurse was really thorough, trying to show me nothing was wrong with her.
“Hello Mary. I’m Dr. Robertson. I will examine you, but I don’t think anything is wrong with you.”
“Yes, I know, Dr. Robertson” she confirmed. “But please examine me anyway”. She was quite insistent that I examined her, even when we all agreed that nothing was wrong with her.
I did as she wanted and examined first her vagina. “This vagina is certainly suitable for intercourse. I agree with Nurse Mischkin, that’s nothing wrong with that.
“I know” she said.
“You know? …” something was wrong. She knows that nothing’s wrong and she wants a consultation anyway. She’s up to something. I continued examining her as we talked about this.
“Yes, I know” she continued “I know, because the reason I can’t get pregnant is that my boyfriend has a low sperm count. He is still trying to get me pregnant, because he doesn’t know that it’s his sperm count that’s the problem and I won’t tell him.”
“Ok” I said, happy that she had explained something, but still not sure what she actually wanted. “What can I do to help?” I asked.
“I want you to inseminate me” … what a request. Of course, being a respectable Doctor, I had to deny. “I certainly won’t”.
She was prepared for this, so she started reciting the Doctor’s oath. “I will follow that method of treatment which, according to my ability and judgment, I consider for the benefit of my patient” she said, looking at me, and continued. “I am trying to get pregnant so it will benefit me if you make me pregnant.”.
I was surprised at her. She had really researched this. “I am sure they don’t mean pregnancies when they mention that part in the oath.” I said.
Instead of arguing, she continued reciting the oath. “I will maintain the utmost respect for every human life from fertilization to natural death”
She got me there. Did it really say that in the oath. I tried to remember – I think so. The original Oath of Hippocrates that all Doctors must follow.
“I guess I have no choice” I admitted, pulling out my penis. I had to help my patient, in the name of the Hippocratic Oath.